Bad trainning Long Endurance

Training today was bad.  Did a Long speed endurance 80/120/80/120/80m off 6’. I was tired from work yesterday where I had to do manual lifting and boxes in the shape of chairs. It made it difficult to figure out how to carry them as each on was arranged and stacked differently. The day before I did an Anaerobic tolerance sessions LS: 2/3 x 2 x 200m off 1’/12 and a late night doing life drawing for animators so didn't have time to recover. It's a difficult balance to well, You have to work to earn money and pay the bills but you also have to train for the Olympics. My body can't do them on consecutive days, it has to be one or the other. I must find another job that will allow me to do that. It's a never-ending slog and sometimes I wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Trying out Game Design and increasing my Range

Decided to make a game. I figured since I am currently unemployed I have the free time to create things not in my area of expertise. I didn't so much as write that much on the script today since I have been busy procrastinating and working on so many projects I can barely think. To get into quality assurance or Games testing, I need to at least prove I can make a game and run bugs reports on it so this will be a chance to at least convincing employers that I have what it takes. Every time I go on these wandering amusements I keep recalling what my Dad told me about. "Jack of all trades, master of none" The problem with that statement is now into days economy that word of wisdom has become folly and now everyone has a side hustle or skill they got incase there current job, which is usually contract-based, goes south or their entire industry changes and becomes smaller due to automation or current trends, so they need to fall back on the second or even third skill. I guess I am just trying to convince myself that what I am doing is not a waste of time, but I have grand ambitions, dreams so big I can't fit on a page. Now I just have to draw a bow and get to it

Bar work Gillingham vs West Ham and learning self confidence

Working the bar at the stadium was more fun than I imagined. When I was younger I convinced myself I could not work in such a high-pressure environment because I would mess up or I would short change someone and he/she would be angry. I don't know why in my 20s I always thought I could never do anything other than run and draw. Its a weird thing to think about no Ima well in too my 30s and approaching the year when Jesus died. Self-confidence has always been an issue and I am wondering if I can ever match up to any standard. Mainly I think that's due the racist bullying I felt during Primary school. Anyway while working I met a nice woman who was lesbian. Did not figure it out at the time because I thought she was flirting with me until she mentioned her orientation. Goes to show I truly know nothing about women.

Another \Note on Theme

Just another note about the theme, Was writing today and got 5 pages in. I feel this was a eureka moment for me cause I was stuck on trying to get the premise right by writing and rewriting one sentence. The theme is important as I feel it the center of any story. Having researched ways in improving my script, the one thing that helped was settling on the theme. I, however, was not able to come you with the sentence expressing it usually the subject and the verb together which was more tricky. Family is...... The consequences of no love in a family are...... it cant be never turned your back on the family because Yawo turns his back on the Fagan character at the end so its can't be that. I just settled on the theme of the family because I got 48 hours to worky'all.

Karl Iglesias, says that knowing what the story is about, the whole story will be a reflection of what you are trying to say, the theme the meaning of the story. 

Paddy Chayefsky had a quote saying “lucky is the writer who knows his theme from the beginning”, cause once you understand that, your characters scenes and story will be a reflection of that theme from character arc to scene confrontations and debate. I also wrote this cause its the end of the day and do not have enough time to write about my athletics training.

Galaxy Tours and writing the outline

The main problem I had was Yawo. The writing became easier when I settled on the main theme of the story, which was Family and writing the characters became easier. The characters can then express different values of that theme helped the story become more coherent and they in term become their true selves. Originally the protagonist was the uncle Valentine in the place if Yawo but he was an older man and it didn't make sense that he would abandon his family and then go through an arc about finding family again when he is much older, while that can work it dint interest me and the relationship between him and Onye didn't have the spark I was looking for, and to be honest, not that interest to write. Yawo on the other hand, being an orphan and raised in let us say, an abusive relationship fit into the theme of family perfectly, as he himself was raised in a 'family' but not the ideal one. Of course, the family group he was in had its benefits being awesome in combat, etc. but without the love. It also made the potential love interest for Onye more interesting and being both young it could help each other their characters grow as they both could challenge each other's Self-deception of themselves and their wound. It's good as it reminded me of my love for stories about young people falling in love maybe because that never happened to me, at least not in any authentic way. I keep going back to Makoto and why I love his work and how he so good at telling stories about young people trying to or failing to connect in a rapidly modernizing world. The yearning for connection is a powerful force of human nature. Having Yawo and Onye at the center of it really opened up the story for me and allowing me to go into tomorrow with confidence in writing a vomit draft.

The Two Popes, and Catholisisms Eurocentrism

Warning: This is a hot take on a film I have just seen so its likely to change after my thoughts have settled on it.

I saw the two popes today and I really liked it. Two years ago I saw the Martin Scorsese Silence and it really changed me on a spiritual level and broaden my scope of what cinema can do, and it was about God and our relationship with him so it hit the sweet spot for me in that regard. So too with Two Popes although after watching it, it did get me thinking about about how in the Conclave where they choose the Pope, yes there were representatives in from the New World and so-called Third World countries there choosing their new spiritual leader, there were not many black faces there. I am fresh off seeing the film on Netflix but it did get me thinking about why I rarely go to the Catholic Church any more despite my love for her, her intellectual history and thoughtful stances on issues plaguing our world (even though I don't always agree with everything they say). Maybe it's due to the fact, on a subconscious level that it's all kinda white. I mean its be clear the Church is very diverse with over 1.2 billion adherents spread across the world, and the so-called Third in particular where it is growing the most, but its Cardinals and higher-ups do not fully represent the faithful it's supposed to save. It is so Eurocentric. The HQ is in Rome, orders are dictated from there to the dioceses. The conclave of cardinals is 61 as and 19 from Latin America supposed to 11 from Africa and 11 from Asia (this could have changed) and most from Latin America are of European descent. Not that this is bad but I feel it would be nice if there was more presentation on the Conclave rather than a Eurocentric view on Christianity. I have no idea why I thought that after watching the film but yeah. Good film though.

New Year ,New Decade, Same Goal

Okay here goes.

Sometimes what you write in your head is better when you place it on the page. The first year of a new decade and the end of the last forever detained to fade in the collective memory of all. I start this year and a new decade and I did the last unemployed and with dubious prospects. Constantly applying for positions in QA testing and getting only two interviews from it. This was so better writing in my head than writing for real. I wonder if it is like that for most bloggers. I have not really entertained the thought I could keep this up for the rest of the week let alone the whole day but I do hope that with Gods grace I can make it through. God has through his infinite mercy pulled me through and has not given up on me even though I have given up on him so many times. I guess he knows more about me and my future than I do. I always wondered it my purpose was just to bring one person to Christ and that would be the end of it. Purpose fulfilled now I can die. It would be a bummer but I wouldn't mind it as long I knew beforehand.

God is too good to me. Count the blessings. I start the decade with a roof over my head, spotty but reliable temporary employment from the job agency and time to do what I want to while I am single and have both parents living. Count the blessings I think can be the theme for this year.